FIVE POINTER

My fairy tale ended the day I stepped into the IITK campus. Yes, until that day, it was indeed a fairy tale. I am sure many IIT students can relate with me on this. Just like most of the IITians, I too was a bright child in school days. At my hometown school, where I studied till 10th standard, I was a kind of average student, but when I moved to Lucknow, I took up my academics seriously and acquired top positions almost everywhere, whether it was school tests, board exams or coaching tests. Almost everyone knew me, by name and face, in a coaching batch of more than 500 students. I qualified for JEE Advanced and cleared it comfortably. Up to this point, everything was perfect and a joy ride for me. By the time counseling and other formalities of the admission process were completed, something messed up made its place in my mind. It was this thought of resting for a bit. I entered IIT with the wrong mindset of taking rest for some time. I kept saying to myself, "See, you made your way into IIT, you've got a great mind which is capable of picking up from anywhere. You've been studying so hard for all these years. Let's take a break for some time. Maybe a semester or two!!" I know at this point many of you would think that it's a classic case of taking a bang just after entering college, what's new in this?! I agree with it that it is a common case where a student fails to cope up with college academics just after entering college, but I think my case is different if we look at the mindset with which I came to college. Other students, who fail to cope up with college academics, are at least concerned about it and they at least try to get a hand of it. But I didn't even try and on top of that, I neither had any intention to try. The result of this thought and mindset is anyone's guess!! I was resolute to take rest and remained true to that resolution whole semester. I kept enjoying with friends(which I thankfully don't regret), kept procrastinating and missing classes(which I regret, thankfully). I scored a mere 4.9 with D's in 3 of my courses in the first semester. After the result of the first semester, just a fraction of my conscience realized this as a setback and tried to get back on track. The situation improved in the second semester, but only marginally when I got a 7.7. But till then I was entirely a different person now. It was too tough for me to come back. I had zero interest in attending classes, skipped labs, didn't care about assignments, dropped and failed courses. At this point, I didn't even care about the fact that I don't care about my academics. Deep inside I knew that I was on a wrong track but it was way too deep to make any difference. Again, one might think that it is common in college life to bunk classes and I am making an unnecessary deal out of it. To that, I would reply that yes, many students skipped classes, missed deadlines and assignments, but they did study a few days before exams, but I couldn't care less even at the time. I remember, my friends would discuss topics and study in my room(with my roommate), and just 2-3 feet away, I would lie in my bed playing some stupid game. In the second year, I took up a post in the hall executive committee. Though there weren't many responsibilities on my shoulder, there were major inter-hall competitions, both in the 3rd and 4th semesters. I am not blaming co-curricular for my bad performance in Academics, neither am I discouraging anyone to take part in such activities, It's just that they again gave me a reason to take rest and procrastinate in those semesters. I somehow took part in those activities and when they were over, I again said to myself, "Take rest!!". Whenever my conscience called me and said to focus on academics, the 'new me' flashed these co-curricular in its face. It helped me to sleep peacefully at night.

The second-year not only introduced me to the 'new me', but also introduced 'new me' to smoking and drinking. I played games, smoked, drank, and partied my way through the second year and didn't regret even for a moment. But the third year had something new in store for me. The internship season came! National and multinational corporate giants like Amazon,Flipkart, Facebook hired my batchmates, my friends, people who I had seen working their guts out attending classes and labs. I was scared for the first time in two and a half years. Not exactly 'scared', but I was definitely concerned for the first time. I didn't sit in internship sessions that year. I tried to make everyone around me believe that "I don't care", but there were times when I was scared like hell. My family didn't know about my pathetic state of academics. I had no one to talk to about my mental state. There were some people to whom I could've talked but I just could not gather the strength. Dropped and failed courses piled up like horseshit. By, the onset of the fourth year and seventh semester, it was clear to me that I wasn't going to get a degree in 4 years. So, instead of registering for placements, I registered for internship sessions in my fourth year. But, I failed at that too. Such a big failure broke me from inside. I lost my self-confidence. I preferred to stay in my room. I became a chain smoker. Smoked up packs of cigarettes within a day or two. While I was failing to secure an internship in my fourth year, my friends and batchmates were signing job offers worth of lakhs. I have no shame in admitting that I felt jealous, intimidated, and useless. By now, I had made peace with the fact that I chose the wrong path. I accepted my mistakes and started talking with my friends. I tried to learn to code, took up Data Structures and Algorithms in the ninth semester, passed it by a close margin. I registered for the placement session this time. But, procrastination never really left me. I wasn't getting shortlisted so I started to miss screening tests of companies. By October-November, I stopped checking the placement portal. Then came the mighty December! I had started to prepare for placements in July, struggled my way through it through September, trying to balance the ongoing semester and placement preparation together, then quit it by September end. In November last, I resumed my preparation for placements. I have to admit that, I was fortunate up to some extent, that I secured a job offer at a top NBFC. I remember I was so relieved that day.

I don't know if there's anything to gain for me by revisiting all this, looking back. But, surely, new IITians or students of any college as a matter of fact can extract out things which they are not supposed to do. I extract one major thing out of all this: DON'T REST. To all those guys like me, who are struggling their way, I would like to say-"Just hang in there! This too shall pass". This is not a story some achiever would like to hear, this is not the story for a 'dassa guy'. This is the story of a "FIVE POINTER".